Do I tell my spouse if a co-worker flirts with me in an unwanted manner?
Flirty co-workers…now that is a sensitive issue! Not only can a flirtatious work colleague make your work situation uncomfortable; they can also create a dilemma for you, when it comes to deciding whether to talk to your spouse about them.
In today’s video, we’re talking about navigating the tricky waters of unwanted flirtation in the workplace…and whether to tell your spouse about it.
It’s important to think through the pros and cons of keeping information like this to yourself. Ask yourself questions like…
- Will my spouse become angry, over-reactive, or jealous?
- Could my spouse’s response to this information harm my work situation?
- Will my spouse receive the information graciously and, as a result, have more trust in me?
- Could my co-worker’s actions lead others to falsely believe I’m returning the flirtation? How will this affect my relationship with my spouse?
Most people tend to have a higher comfort level the more their spouse discloses to them. Letting your spouse know about the situation with your co-worker, along with your own assessment of it (and any anxiety surrounding it), might provide reassurance for them. Revealing the dynamics of your interactions with that co-worker may help your spouse have a deeper trust for you. Most of us trust more, the more we know.
If, on the other hand, you think your spouse may jealously overreact–and potentially jeopardize your job–that’s worth some serious consideration. You don’t want your angry husband or wife to initiate any upsetting or damaging interactions with your co-worker, or anyone else at your workplace. In this case, it may be best to not share that information.
When it comes down to it, you’ve really just got to know and consider your spouse’s personality before deciding whether to disclose a co-worker’s flirtations. It may be better for you to handle the situation at work without bringing it home. You could kindly, but firmly, remind your co-worker that you’re married, and not comfortable with his or her advances. If the issue persists, you can always take your concerns up the chain of command (although we hope it doesn’t come to that!).
Have you dealt with a flirty co-worker? Did you tell your spouse? If so, how did he or she react? Tell us all about it in the comments section!
Question: What about with our military? Deployments may create difficult situations at home and abroad. Do you discuss attractions and “friendships” when couples are apart? Or wait until they return home?
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If a spouse, especially a female, is upset about some jackass flirting with her she should indeed tell her spouse. Revealing in my opinion will increase the trust ten fold, even if a husband is jealous…I think the honesty will at least temporarily off set the jealousy, Seriously, how would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot, and you found out about the flirtation in another way? Trust most likely nose diving. The spouse should make clear in not uncertain terms how they detest the flirtation nonsense and will not tolerate it going forward. Give one warning then stop all contact other than business…if request is ignored proceed to direct supervisor and on up the chain to Human Resources if necessary. Don’t accept the old that just him/her , that is just John being John he doesn’t mean anything by i t etc… Trust me, If this situation is not handled quickly and decisively without any question or ambiguity as to your feelings…you are beginning one hell of a ride that will at best end in a massive loss of trust between spouses that will take a long time, if ever, to rebuild or reach the level you once shared. At the end of the day what is more important to you…your job, your co worker’s feelings or your spouse and marriage. If things get nasty in the work place with HR involvement whose fault is it? Yep that correct the Jackass and their ego.